A lot to say

A lot of time has passed since my last post. There is a lot going on and I know that sometimes overwhelms me while I sit here and try to explain all that I am going through. I think my expectation was that somehow I will be able to truly immerse you into my life here simply through a blog and I need to realize that can’t be the case. I’ll admit that I can get a bit discouraged sometimes and will admit it seems the pressured hour or two a week at the internet café challenges me emotionally more than it fulfills me emotionally. I just have to realize that the internet café isn’t necessarily about explaining every minute detail. The internet is a fascinating technology but is not capable of putting people into my shoes when they are half a globe away. What it can do though is allow me to maintain personal connections. If you understand minimally what I am going through and what my general emotions are, that should be satisfactory, and that is my goal.

So here goes…
Since my last post the biggest addition to my life here has been the introduction of “Mr. Myles” and my initiation into the classroom. After three weeks of it I have to say teaching is an enthralling profession. The students are fantastic, I love being in front of the class and basically I am spoiled rotten. For the five weeks of PST I was placed at a private liberal arts school that concentrates in language training. The school is not at all typical of Kazakhstan, and my experience at site will be quite different. For now though, I am taking advantage of an opportunity to teach 10th graders that for the most part function at a conversational level. I am teaching them about things like money and occupations. Last week I had them write a few sentences about what they wanted to be when they grew up. It was a question many Kazakhstani students are never asked to think about until they reach university level. Education is valued here, but the fact that it is a means to an eventual end is not something that is ever understood. In fact even when they are pressured later on many girls will admit, void of any shame, that their time at university is a way to meet a husband. All the students here are great, but the girls especially are so bright and have so much potential that they are completely unaware of. I approached my task of questioning them about their future very seriously and was thrilled with my results. I heard from many future oil business men (which I guess means that means they understand economics), but I also heard bankers, teachers, an international organization worker and even politician from my least advanced student that has only volunteered maybe once or twice in class before. The amount of time in the classroom has progressed each week, starting with just an hour the first week until next week when I will have the class for five hours, their entire English schedule for the week. At the end of next week they will be asked to write a 3 paragraph essay, the first they have written in any language. As important as writing composition and essay writing skills are they seem to be totally ignored here. My last class with them I will introduce the concept of a beginning, middle and end and ask them to come up with a story according to the prompt I give them. Some in the class will excel, others will probably really struggle but that’s not really the point. They should just understand how important the skill is and the places it could someday take them.

While I am on the topic of education I want to include another small tidbit about the Post Soviet world. As I said, these students really are bright; they have a desire to learn and the intellectual capacity to compete amongst anyone at the international level. What they are no able to do is understand how education could be considered some sort of competition, that there are a limited number of jobs out there and they need to strive to achieve them. In the post-soviet world competition is still very much unnatural and at times even uncomfortable. This is engrained in them and is without a doubt the biggest problem with this educational system. The fact the students are uncomfortable competing against their peers in a classroom game is something that can be overlooked, but the notion that there is zero concept of cheating and that “helping” each other on tests is accepted and at times expected is a huge concern. So far I have only seen the former, but I have heard stories from current volunteers about national testing days that can make stomachs turn. Unfortunately this is not something I will come close to changing in my two years here. My hope is just to engrain in my students the value of individual work, so that when a 3 paragraph essay is turned in they have something that they themselves can truly be proud of.

Lastly, I want to share a bit about an incident that a few of you already know about. I hesitated to put this on here simply because it is not something people should be worrying about without knowledge of the full details. I changed my mind when I realized there are important lessons about this country and this could be seen as an opportunity. A group of my instructors, who are current volunteers and American, got shot with rubber bullets by a prominent local business man at a café(bar) in town. All real bullet guns are outlawed here which is definitely fortunate but the rubber bullets penetrated the skin and did their damage too; the three guys spent the night in the hospital. The volunteer that was attacked had a beer or two (not drunk), was dressed in flashy attire and after being asked to dance did so in an unaccustomed way. All three of which we have been suggested to avoid, nothing truly provoked any violence though. Although this sort of thing is very rare it is a great reminder of the problem this society has and that although we are welcomed here by the people who need it most, the people who have interest in the status quo consider us an unwanted target. Ultimately after learning about this and processing the details the story has become a motivation tool for me. I am not going to the save the world while I am here but situations like this means I have a great opportunity over the next two years. The essence of PC is an effort to open up dialogue and facilitate conversation at a localized level. The hope is that will lead to understanding and not only prevent anything like this from happening but to develop into an appreciation of the values we live for. My job as a teacher is only one third of my duties here. The other two are to promote better understandings of the American people, and to promote better understandings the local people amongst Americans. As I left I think a fair amount of people still had a hard time grasping why I would spent two years of my life in some Kazakh village. It is a difficult thing to understand and even more difficult to explain. So, if at some point my friends can understand why I’m here, I’d consider that a great start. But I can pack my bags and come home if the man at the café grows to understand that I am here not only to provide the English language but also to establish a relationship and connection between him, the average Kazakh man, and the American values I am embody. I guess that means I have some work to do.

I find out what city I will in for the next two years of my life on Friday. Because this country is so vast the differences between cities and regions can be quite different. Last Thursday I was interviewed about my preferences. I went into the interview with pretty specific preferences and feeling pretty good about my chances to have them achieved. I came out of the interview with much less of a specific site in mind and feeling much more uncertainty about whether any of my preferences would actually be considered. As the interview progressed and I was asked questions about my ideal site it became apparent to me how selfish my specific choices were. In the relatively short conversation I realized I’m here to address needs and not have mine met. I also realized that about one year ago I was explaining to a Peace Corps recruiter that I would be willing to go anywhere that was necessary. Had I been sat down at the point and asked specifically where I would go if I could control it, I am pretty positive I would not have chosen Kazakhstan. One year later I am sitting in a post soviet country, learning Russian and I could not be happier. What this tells me is that perhaps Peace Corps knows what is good for me even better than I do. Saying all these things in the interview pretty much gives the PC Kazakhstan the flexibility to send me anywhere. Although I had not planned or intended to mention them, I mean it sincerely, and that has given me much more peace of mind as Friday rapidly approaches.

Love and miss you all. I promise to be a little more available over the next few weeks. Hope to hear from any of you soon.

Myles